This Valentine..

At one end is your unreserved love;
As if a blessing from heaven above,
On the other is my eccentric zest;
Coupled with the world's behest.

You weave life for me without barriers,
Helps me tread ahead with all outliers.

Happiness for you is a small little thing,
Which you can find in an empty tiffin.

You celebrate joy in seeing a flower sprout,
Even though its a carrot in your window pot.

I know i dont bestow praises for you often,
This valentine It makes my heart glisten.

The shine in your heart is true to the core,
I love you forever, i know no, anything more.

Be my valentine this day and life to come,
I promise we will make life awesome.

Scan it for something more.

Something is not right
In this world so bright 🔆
The story my heart tells
Has the sun ☀ in the night...

I walk among sorrows and suffering,
And pick them as my offering
I share it with others to like and frown
Yet fail to extend a hand of my own.

I meet masks 🎭 of perceived standards
Keeping mine too, well mannered.
Underneath; but a me transpires
Break free to relive the true desire.

My voice is culled by the forces I chose
The army I have preys on my woes
My agitation is rendered treacherous
My beliefs turn, makes me frivolous.

My compassion is just a cover it seems
And my life just a note of esteem.
Is it how my story ends?
Not before a heart I mend.

No wonder; Something is not right
In this world so bright 🔆

Does it matter...

I start with a space on a big white screen…

By the time you get this, I will be gone.

You frantically try to track me down, even try to trace my ip address. You just hit a dead end, I guess.

I paint beautiful pictures for your fantasy.

I write songs and melody for your dreams.

I kill them. I leave. I am gone.

I am jealous when you make it to the top.

I am happy when you share the space with me.

I am happier when I push you down.

I am handled in relationships.

I am tossed in love.

I am what I am not supposed to be.

I can shout but I cant make noise.

I can speak but for a mouth piece.

I am condemned for having an opinion.

I am not when I am a follower.

I cant breathe when the air is clean.

I am scared I will be seen.

What brings me to this I do not know.

The hypothesis of being unknown.

I read I forget. I write I delete. I feel everything for I fall for it.

I am evil when I am good, I am God when I am devil.

I hide from the light for it shines too bright.

I thought I was right every time I was not.

It doesn’t make sense isn't it.

You are becoming restless, what was is this all about.

But trust me you never wanna know.

You will just read it and shrink your brow.

Aglet is a new word I learnt, but it ain't gonna matter, leave it alone.

I can be anywhere. I am here and everywhere.

Your next cubicle, your soul's meanest corner.

I am there, but I may not appear.

I am 'Not Me' ever.

Burning Few Stubs

In a year of solemn bachelorhood it was my rule not to smoke as it was not the only way to be high on a subtle note. Today I feel I should smoke just for the heck of it. To burn few of them before the day is over or to finish  the last one in the pack and throw it over. Guess what? there's a new day which starts all over again and I am still here to begin it in a way to end it. So what changed me from being a self-restraining young man to an responsible adult who cannot quit smoking. Guess I broke the rule. I challenged it in some or the other way.

 

The answer elusively lies in my question. I became more responsible. I was no more a bachelor. I am a husband to a loving wife, father to a robust child and I have a job that demands more than my smartness.

 

Why then now, when I should be more responsible and caring and try to set an ideal example of me; that I am breaking bad. May be its my perrogative. This is how I would like to enjoy who I am or a way of me side tracking and longing for me to have a life out of this responsible bracket of life. This is me missing my solemn old life wherein I just cared for myself or cared a hang about me. So is it that I just want to sneak in some of my glorious youth into my clock stricken life or is it me hanging on to what ever is left of my so called youth.

 

The questions contradict my mind in ways I cannot apprehend. The conflict is pushing me away from the path I chose with a sane mind to the one I am not certain of where it will lead.

 

That day when my son in his deft unzipped my bag, pulled out the cigarette pack, stuck one between his lips and in his motherese tounge said "This is fire, Daddy" I recalled how I used to smoke in front of him and when he used to ask for it I used to say that "its fire its no good for you baby".

 

The mind is processing a million thoughts and I guess thats what's making it difficult for me to understand my berth. But whatever I am going through is a kind of insanity we all come across. Incomprehensible state of mind. However that is not acceptable in every circles. Quoting one of my good friend from his blog (http://goo.gl/63MWFw) "Madness or insanity have different forms. The only form of insanity that is socially acceptable is 'falling in love' ". The pressure to be sane all the time can be insanely insane.

 

So where will I end up; I do not know, however one thing I am sure about is that I should be there for my son untill he decides to make his own decision, till then I will be here burning few stubbs and stomping few butts.

 

-dPU

 

Disclaimer: Smoking affects both you and your loved one's health. Learn about the consequences of secondhand smoke and how you can protect your family. I do not promote smoking or use of tobacco in any manner.

Men will be MEN

I was like them, taking sneak peeks on the gals who travel in the train with us. Staring at their features n then quickly turnin away wen they catch me doin it. Some seemed offended but thr wr some who liked bein watched upon but strictly on thr own discretion. Today wen sittin in an angle frm whr i can hv n eye on evrybdy i realised i am not alone in this Catch a quick Glimpse game. I can see that oldie eyeing the gal sitting next to me. She must be of the age of his daughter. Then there is this hunk who has accompanied his mom n is posing a worthy son, well I can make out from the dal stains on his shorts that he has not taken bath today. Anyway he s jus trying to impress the gal with his 'I know everything' dialogues. 'Enter the Assole' Here comes another married, father of two, but with ‘I am still a bachelor’ look, young old man. The jeans that he is wearin was bought by him wen he was in kinder garden, it’s so tight that he can hardly breathe. But he has to wear it; after all he needs to show the shape of his abs. Now he s standing jus above her as all the seats r occupied. I know I would have done that to have a quick look at her valley engulfed by her mounts and he is no different. Damn it how r all men same. I cud see him position his eyes in to an impossible angle so that he cud enjoy the view as soon as it is revealed. I wonder how come his eyeballs r not popping out.

Image shared from http://goo.gl/DlTQ7

  

All said why r men like this? I can argue that it’s how we r programmed. But then how can we justify an act of indecency? Well then humans are programmed to defend themselves n that’s how even our society is constituted. Even Kasab got his chance for an act of crime.

Again the question arises, is it natural for men to take a sneak peek around. The answer is sadly affirmative. We do, what we do bcz its in one of the primary elements of which we r made. Though we can control the level of this hormonal high thru medication... oh sorry I meant meditation (as that seems to be the answer to all ailments these days).

I changed myself, I changed after I got married, I found love. But as any toothpaste ad shows that some germs are still left even after brushing the whole day, some "keedas" never die though they do go into hibernation. I hope the "keedas" in me dont wake up, I dont want them to surprise me one day saying 'Hurray! we are back'.

Its time for me to get off, my stop is here. The adage remains, Men will be MEN.

Disclaimer: Ladies pls dont take it personally; we as a specie r evolving, i can forsee this happenin the other way round, may be then some of u will blog abt hw ur gender has taken over ours in all parlance.

An interesting link for you here: http://goo.gl/DlTQ7

Contemplating 2 years with my B

Myself: “Two years Deepu, did u even realise that”

Me: No yar, it’s like a dream, I am still living it.

Two years have passed by and this is where I am, like never before or like ever before. What has  made my life is not me or my pseudo ideologies which I create to pacify ‘myself’, it’s a person who crept into my life without my mind realising it and captured my spirit without my heart acknowledging it.

(Hope u remember this)

My wifey – my sundari  – desire to my pleasure – beats to my heart – breath to my soul – peace to my mind – my B – and now mother to my son.

When that day of Feb I saw you in that train, something clicked inside and ‘myself’ was shouting on top of his voice “she is the one! She is the one!”, never did I realise that you would set pace to my life in a way I never dreamt of. Life has changed B since you arrived and it has changed for good. Two years of our marriage made me to contemplate on how useless I was and makes me realise how useless I am even now, but you my B have been there and made me utile. The subtle way in which you support me is registered in my mind and I know deep within that I can just play blind on you.

Myself: She sent you a cake at your office so that you can celebrate your second anniversary. What have you done moron.

Me: That’s so nice na. I just felt like giving her a kissy right then, but she was far. If she would have been just at an arm’s length kasam se I would have taken her breath away.

Myself: Sach bata, how did you feel when you got it this time.

Me: I started missing her, felt like on top of the world when all my colleagues started bestowing praises to my wifey. She is just too good, when it comes to making me feel better. Only she can do it the way she does it. I have been hard at times, even difficult but she has accepted me with elusive bearing.

B, do you remember, once I had said that I had ideas of being a tramp when I was still a bachelor and even after getting married I had never left off on that. Now after this time of togetherness I would say to you that even now I feel like tramping but this time I picture myself not alone but you and Ethan with me and if 2012 end of the world (EOW) happens I am sure we three will be the survivors of the disaster in a miraculous manner and we will be there in the Garden of Eden for a fresh start. Just in case the EOW is deferred / rescheduled I am sure we will go holidaying to a place like the Garden of Eden.

Thank you B for being with me.

PS: I know it took me 2 years to write something about you, but trust me I could not sum it up in just few words. You are more than what is said.  I love you da B.

Things written are read, but those unwritten are felt.

-dpu

Corruptrojan

“SCAMS” screams the political stage in India these days, every now and then we have a channel breaking news with a new scam or a twist in the already discovered one. I feel DNA’s India positive campaign will be fruitless if this continues for some more time for they’ll have to print an India positive banner on one side and news about the new scam involving a new minister on the other. Guess the campaign will run out of positive facts and ultimately change their name to DNA India Negative.

But an India positive fact is that our politicians are undeterred by any of this. Just look at our competent opposition. They are working hard to prove that the ruling party has done it all wrong and that we now in the opposition will not change any of this if we come to power. The deal is already struck among the master minds of the political arena, we lose power this time; you should have our back and we’ll take care of yours in the course ahead.

Breeding corruption in the backyards of their home these politicians have the support and vote of the people out there - You, me and us. We vote with the hope that there will be a change, we don’t vote to show that we don’t care, we speak highly of ourselves but when caught by traffic police without seat belts we settle the Rs.100/- fine at Rs.50/- and feel relieved that we salvaged the balance amount which we then spend on beers and cigarettes for the night. We Indians are born corrupt. We develop the quality with the help of selfishness, social demarcations, envy and covetous mentality and then end up with an arrant corrupt mind till we turn young and understand the need of these qualities in our day to day life. Then we justify it. It’s like a Trojan virus outbreak which has to be plucked out of every affected system; in our case we are the systems affected by the virus called Corruption – desirable but harmful.

What can be done? I am not the guy with the answer. I don’t know what I can do to change myself. Even I am corrupt I know. End of the world will be a good idea. If God is reading this, then I would request to him to run a system scan on the people who outlive the apocalypse just to be sure that the hidden virus is deleted before reboot. We can start afresh with few sane minds that can begin from scratch, learn from the past and build a new world.

Rest the battle between the good and the bad, the almighty and the devil will go on till the end of time OR till the time every one becomes Good or every one turns Devil.

dPU